The goal of adoption is to create a nuclear and legal family, however an unpleasant adoption issue should be addressed.  Can an adoptive parent fail to bond with a child or vice versa?  Yes.  Some adoptions are interrupted, that is to say the placement is terminated before final decree because the family is not able to bond.  In other circumstances, a parent leaves after the adoption is final, abandoning any relationship with the child.  Naturally that is not the desired or intended outcome.

        Adoption is neither a better way, nor a worse way of building a family than by birth parentage.  It's simply different.  An adoption does not make a child special - each is special and unique unto himself or herself during each phase of development - this does not originate with status as an adoptee.  This celebration of individuality applies to all children.  Adoptive parents choose to adopt.  Some birth children are planned, and some arrive not by conscious choice or planning.   Adoption does not elevate, demean or denigrate the status of a family.  Other children's words can be cruel, but with knowledge, your child's self esteem will survive quite well.

        If the child is young, parents must decide whether to disclose the adoptive status, and if so, when.  If the adoption is treated as merely another daily fact of life, that may engender trust and open communication with your child about the adoption as well as other matters.  Each family must make their own decisions.  I recommend families affirmatively decide now.  Lack of decision is in itself a decision.

        At some point the child will likely have issues to resolve surrounding the birth parent's relinquishment or abandonment.  A child may fantasize about the absent birth parent, assigning super-human characteristics or perhaps undue negative aspects.  Books are available in public libraries, and it may be a good idea to touch base with a professional counselor.  I understand that with open communication, adoptive children will do fine and have a positive self-image.  How parents deal with adoption issues and communicate will likely have great weight.

        Some children wish to seek out the absent birth parent, and some have no desire.  Numerous persons have shared with me that they were adopted themselves.  Contrary to the images conjured by TV programs, each has indicated their adoptive family was there for them and nurtured them, having no desire to contact the absent parent(s).  If the adoptive parents are secure in their parentage and not threatened by birth parents or possible future relationship, willingness to assist in locating the birth parents at an age appropriate time and granting decision making ability - options may empower the child and help to make him or her secure with self.  A meeting with birth parent(s) may or may not ultimately prove to be positive.  I doubt there is a "right answer," but think these are decisions which must be weighed in each family created by adoption.  You should prepare yourself to make decisions on similar issues which are right for your family.

        I have no special education or training to substantiate the above thoughts regarding adoption.  I'm a father.  My ex-wife arranged that which quickly became our interstate designated adoption without informing me until 4 days before the baby's arrival.  Unfortunately she did not bond and left us when our baby was an infant.  I bonded deeply and irrevocably the instant the birth mother laid that precious gift in my arms and I gazed into my daughter's deep, dark, beautiful Spanish eyes.  I raised my little one alone through emancipation.  I wouldn't have missed the privilege of raising my daughter for anything in the world.   I'm her dad & she's my daughter.  Lack of the descriptive word "adoptive" is intentional - she's my kid.  As a young adult, I don't agree with all her choices (she too doesn't hold near and dear all my plans or suggestions), but I love her and that's just plain family.  The above ideas and maxims regarding raising a child who happens to be adopted turned out to be accurate in our circumstances.  And now..... I'm a doting grandpa much to my daughter's chagrin.  Plausible deniability is stretched pretty thin when your 4 month old grandson is drooling chocolate.  Who?  Us?  Nope, no way, we're wholly innocent - that's our story and we men are sticking to it.   (Can I have some more, Grandpa?  It tastes so good and I like it.  Shhhh, Little Man we gotta wait until Mommy leaves the room, and cool the drooling so we don't get busted again)  I like being a grandpa.

        I've also seen the other side of the coin.  Regrettably, I relinquished my boys to my first wife's husband in step parent adoption when they were young.  Since I've walked that mile, I can empathize with a relinquishing parent and understand the thought process attendant in the decision to relinquish.  That is not say I have sympathy or empathy for non-payment of child support - there is none.  I've experienced an unexpected reunion with my eldest son and was granted the gift of a chance to build a relationship with him and my grand-daughters.  My younger son has chosen to have no contact, which I respect.  My daughter has had contact with her birth mother; whether they will form a relationship remains to be seen.  I believe she would reject any overture from her adoptive legal mother who abandoned during her tender years.  As the old saying goes: "Never say never."

        Due to the fact I was presumptive father by marriage at the time of conception by another man, I also experienced the treat of of bringing an action for declaration of non-paternity.  I was married to three women, one common law without benefit of a preacher.  I thought my second wife was so beautiful and intriguing, darned if I didn't marry her twice.  Yes indeedy, the thunderbolt (or stupidity) struck there.  When I told my eldest grand-daughter that she took after her grandmother (first wife), she asked if I thought her grandma was pretty.  I replied that I thought her grandma was so pretty I married the woman and made her my wife.  My grand-daughter caught the drift & smiled shyly.  And my last wife, well I had eyes only for her & thought she was my swan.  The trailer for Ben Hur toted "a cast of thousands" when the movie first came to theaters in 1959.  Something in common there with the number of my failed marriages.  And yes, I can recall the first movie preview trailer.  My daughter believes I can recall when dirt was a new fangled invention and when the first dinosaur egg began hatching.  I don't dispel her notions.

        My grandmother traced our family tree back to Bill who came across the English Channel from Normandy in 1066, and traced beyond.  The most interesting American character was a dad who disinherited his son & didn't leave the family cow to the son in the late 1700's.  Nobody but nobody had dared whisper the "D" word (divorce).  With multiple marriages before 19 years of single parenthood, common law marriage, relinquishment, adoption and non-paternity, I pretty much chopped down the ole family tree.  But, I had the good sense not to marry more than one woman at a time so I did avoid becoming a truly dangerous bigamist criminal and imprisonment.  There were times when as prospective clients regaled their their tales of legal woes, the old Yiddish saying could have come to mind: "Oy vey, and you think you have problems?"   After 29+ years of law practice, a lawyer has pretty much seen it all.  Upon reflection, I lived most of the family law spectrum.  Future generations may likely get a chuckle when they read my little branch on the family tree.  Howsomever, we all pull on our pants one leg at a time and have feet made of clay, even judges.  Know what to call the law student who graduated ranking at the bottom of the law school class?  Your honor.  Difference between a road kill dead snake in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road - skid marks in front of the snake.  Before reading this, you may have been needlessly worried that perhaps you may not pass the court's scrutiny for parenthood through adoption.  Silly thought.

        In this website, I've condemned street corner legal advice.  The ideas set forth on this webpage "adoption considerations" are street corner thoughts from a layman without psychological or other "shrink" credentials - perhaps all wrong - so read it with a jaundiced eye and seek professional advice.  The source of the above ideas regarding adoption has been laid bare.  As a licensed and experienced attorney, I can offer competent legal representation.  However, although I believe in the validity of the adoption ideas expressed on this page, some might describe me at minimum to be a character who led a colorful or perhaps unorthodox life.  As mentioned, read the thoughts in this "adoption considerations" with a dubious eye and seek professional advice regarding the psychological dynamics of adoption.

        Should you choose to pursue adoption, I wish you the best with your new family.  Live life and enjoy life with your family as it comes daily.  As the fictitious shrink Maj. Sidney Freedman said in a television M*A*S*H episode: "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice.  Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."